When Nightmares Make Dreams Come True
by zentamaus
Summary: Beca has her heart torn apart, but things are not as they seem. Happy end! (written for Merry Pitchmas Gift Exchange 2018. Originally posted on AO3)


Beca woke with a start and an audible gasp. She felt disoriented. Her vision was blurry, and her face felt sticky and bloated, as if she had been crying. When she rubbed her eyes, she could feel wetness on her cheeks and dried tears in the corners of her eyes. So she _had_ been crying. All of a sudden, the memories came rushing back, and with a shaky inhale, fresh tears started streaming down her face.

They had fought. They never fought.

Sure, they'd argue sometimes, who doesn't. But this had been different entirely. Beca hadn't known where this had been coming from. How had this happened? Angry tears had been running down Chloe's face, and despite the current situation, Beca had had to blink hard to keep her own tears at bay. A hurt Chloe was a sure-fire way to make her cry, too, no matter her own emotions.

"I don't regret it," Beca had said with a small voice, wiping away a tear from her cheek with the heel of her thumb that had had escaped her eye despite her efforts.

"Yeah, that's probably the worst part," Chloe had answered coolly, her gaze fixed on something behind Beca. "Last night, I tried to imagine myself without you," she had finally looked at Beca again, "The thing is I could, and I felt so much better."

They way Chloe had spoken, so collected and with such finality, as if her own words didn't affect her in the slightest, had been unbearable for Beca and had been what had caused what was left of her composure to crumble. A loud sob had escaped her mouth before she could slap a hand over it to muffle the sounds of her despair. Suddenly, she had found herself kneeling on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. She could see Chloe's packed suitcase on the bed, the woman's favorite purse and jacket next to it.

"No! God, you can't do this, Chloe! Just - _please_ , just give me a chance. Just - just let me explain!" She had pleaded with Chloe as the redhead had collected her things and left without so much as a glance backwards.

They had fought and Beca couldn't even remember what had started it.

The bedroom was empty and dark, safe for the fairy lights that Chloe had insisted on putting up everywhere in the apartment when they had first moved in. Beca sat up and blindly reached for the nightstand where she knew she had put a pack of tissues just a few days ago. Her head hammered like crazy and she wished she would have remembered to put a glass of water next to the bed as well. Her hand landed on the tissues and she fumbled to get one out before she blew her nose with it. She wiped her face with a fresh one, but it was useless since the tears wouldn't stop running down her cheeks.

Beca had no idea what time it was. She must have left her phone in the kitchen before she went to bed, and she had that weird feeling where you're not sure whether you've slept for ten minutes or ten hours. Taking out her hair tie and gathering her hair up anew to put into a low ponytail, she stood up and padded out of the bedroom in search for her phone and a glass of water to help with her headache. If only a glass of water helped with a heartache as well.

The rest of the apartment appeared to be empty as well. All lights were turned off and Beca didn't bother to turn any on. The light from the streetlamps that fell in through the windows was enough for her to find her way to the kitchen.

She got a glass out of the cupboard over the sink and filled it with water from the faucet. She gulped it down in one go, only now realizing how thirsty she was. Then she filled it again and leaned against the counter. Her eyes fell onto the clock on the microwave: 7:24pm. She couldn't have slept very long.

With a heavy, shaky sigh, Beca pushed off the counter and made her way over to the sofa. She was half-way there when she heard a key being inserted into the lock of the front door. A moment later the door opened and Chloe quietly stepped inside. When she spotted Beca, who stood frozen in place, a gentle smile spread across her face.

"Oh, you're up already," the older woman said softly, turning to close the door as quietly as she had opened it. Putting her bag on the floor and taking off her coat, Chloe turned to face Beca again, who was still staring at Chloe and hadn't moved an inch. Chloe chuckled, "Did you see a ghost?"

Beca didn't laugh, she didn't even smile. She just kept staring at Chloe, who seemed to get concerned as the seconds passed on. And even though Beca knew what was going on, knew exactly what had happened, her heart ached nonetheless. She remembered now that she had come home from work late. That she had been exhausted. That Chloe had told her to go take a nap while she went out to run a few errands. That she'd bring back take-out. That they could have a quiet night in, watching Netflix and talking. Beca remembered and still, she was barely keeping it together and so, she didn't move, didn't talk. Fearing any movement on her part could cause everything to crumble. And then, despite her best efforts, it did. Tears started rolling down Beca's face, and Chloe rushed over to her, taking the glass of water out of Beca's hand and placing it on the coffee table in one swift motion. She then stood in front of the crying woman and reached up to brush a few stray strands of hair out of Beca's face. Her own face was contorted with worry.

"Sweetie, what's wrong? You're scaring me," she whispered, cupping Beca's cheeks with both her hands and looking deep into her blood-shot eyes.

With that, Beca broke down completely, a huge sob escaping her before her arms, which had been hanging lifelessly on her sides, wrapped around Chloe's waist, clinging tightly onto the back of her shirt. Beca buried her face in Chloe's shoulder and whimpered. It took Chloe a moment to react, but then she put one arm around the trembling woman, holding her tight. Her other hand came to rest against the back of Beca's head, thumb soothingly stroking through brown hair.

Beca didn't know how long they stood there, just holding each other, but eventually her sobs subsided and her tears stopped. Only then, Chloe moved back a bit to be able to look at Beca, still keeping her arm around Beca while moving her other hand from her hair to her cheek. She wiped away the tears with her thumb, gently turning Beca's head so she could really look at her. When their eyes met, Chloe put on a sad smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Wanna go sit down?" She asked, her voice not much more than a whisper. Beca's only response was a barely-there nod.

Moving the few short steps over to the couch took longer than one would think and some reassurance by Chloe that she wouldn't leave after Beca had sobbed out a "please, don't leave me" when Chloe had carefully unpeeled herself from Beca's persistent grasp.

When they were finally settled in on the couch, feet tucked underneath them, sitting so closely together that that their legs were not just touching but pressing against each other, Chloe took both of Beca's hands into her own. She didn't say anything, she just looked at the woman before her and rubbed soothing circles on the back of Beca's hands with her thumbs.

It was exactly what Beca needed. She needed to not be pushed, to be given space - room to think - yet to still be close to someone. Chloe seemed to know just what to do. Chloe's eyes never left Beca and yet she never felt like she was being stared at. Beca herself didn't look at the other woman for a long while. She couldn't bring herself to. She was embarrassed. Embarrassed about her break down. Embarrassed about what had triggered it. She felt ridiculous.

Taking yet another deep breath in an effort to try and calm herself, she looked up from the coffee table where she had taken great interest in the nicks and scratches in its paint. Chloe's eyes moved up from where she had apparently been looking at their joined hands between them, and their gazes met. Beca couldn't see any hint of judgement in Chloe's eyes. Only kindness. And something that felt a lot like love. But she didn't want to go there. Not now. Despite everything she was sensing, she felt the need to trivialize her feelings.

"It's stupid," she managed to choke out with a humorless laugh that turned into a shaky inhale and caused more tears to run down her face. Didn't she have to run out of tears at some point?

"No, don't say that. It's not stupid if it's gotten you this emotional. Okay? It's _not_ stupid."

Another shaky inhale. "Okay," Beca repeated in a small voice, only meeting Chloe's eyes for a short moment before, again, looking anywhere but at Chloe.

Chloe didn't push her. Instead, she resumed drawing soothing patterns onto Beca's hands. It took Beca another couple of minutes before she mustered up the confidence to say something that offered up at least a hint of an explanation for what was going on with her.

"I ha-" She hated that her voice broke off and that she had to start over after awkwardly clearing her throat. "I had a nightmare."

Chloe didn't give a verbal response. She encouragingly smiled at Beca, wordlessly prompting her to go on.

"This is so embarrassing."

"It's just me, Becs."

"It would be easier if it wasn't you," Beca muttered somewhat grimly.

Chloe stopped in her tracks, an array of emotions flickering over her face before her expression settled on confusion.

"The nightmare...it was you who hurt me," Beca finally admits.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Beca!" And of course, Chloe would apologize in earnest for something she had no control over. Her reaction actually made Beca smile. Admittedly, the corners of her lips only lifted up in the slightest way, but it was progress.

"It's not your fault. Really. It's-" She stopped and suddenly, the mood shifted. "If it wasn't for these goddamn feelings!" Beca exclaimed, frustrated. Then she realized what she'd just said, and even though it might not hold much meaning for Chloe, _she_ knew what her words meant, and it was enough to cause her eyes to widen comically, like a deer in the headlights. Groaning, she pulled her hands out of Chloe's gentle grip to hide her face in them.

"You do realize that _feelings_ aren't actually a bad thing, right, Becs?" Chloe teased, playfully nudging her knee against Beca's thigh.

"They are if you have them for your best friend, though," was the grumbled response. And even despite the fact that she was terrified - her heart beat so fast she was afraid it might jump out of her chest -, she didn't regret finally saying it. Beca both didn't want to know what Chloe's reaction was and absolutely _needed_ to know what it was. She carefully peaked at Chloe through the gaps between her fingers.

Chloe was staring at Beca, mouth agape.

"Please, don't be mad," she said in a small voice, still hiding partially behind her hands.

"No, sweetie, no," Chloe reached out to gently pull Beca's hands from her face, so she could look at her. Neither the moniker nor Chloe's touch helped calm Beca's racing heart. "I'm not mad. I'm just surprised."

"That I have feelings or that I said that?" She was joking, to some degree.

Chloe laughed at that, her head thrown back for a moment before it subsides to a chuckle. And just like that, Beca wasn't terrified anymore. The tension was lifted. Her worst fear had been that Chloe would reject her if she ever came clean about her feelings, but seeing her laugh so sincerely and to have her still close and touching her made all her fears go away. As long as she still had her best friend, everything would be alright. "I'm surprised you admitted that," she clarifies before turning more serious again. "What did I do? In your nightmare, I mean."

"You, um, you broke up with me. We were together but you broke up with me. You left me." Her heart felt as if it was breaking again, her eyes stung, but at last, she had no more tears to cry.

A beat. A firm yet gentle touch to her thigh. Then, "I would never break up with you."

Her eyes shot up to meet Chloe's. "What?" She asked dumbly.

"I said, 'I would never break up with you.'" As if that clarified anything.

"Yeah, no. I heard you. But, what?" Beca huffed out a nervous laugh.

"I'd have to be out of my mind to break up with you, were I ever lucky enough to call you mine." Beca blushed furiously. She didn't know what to do with that information. Was Chloe saying what she thought she was saying? It couldn't be, right? Chloe is _Chloe_ , and she's just Beca. Why would Chloe be interested in her? Maybe she had misunderstood. Maybe it was just some kind of a metaphor. Why would Chloe say that? But what if she meant what Beca hoped she meant? Oh, my god! Beca felt overwhelmed. Of course, she hoped that Chloe reciprocated her feelings. But what would they do about it. What - oh, god - what if they didn't work out?! She couldn't lose her best friend. She- "You're freaking out."

"Huh?" Beca shook her head to snap herself out of her thoughts. "No," Beca laughed nervously. "I'm not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out?" She answered, clearly freaking out.

"Exactly, why would you be freaking out?" Beca was relieved that Chloe seemed amused rather than hurt.

"I, uh, I wasn't expecting this? Not that I was expecting anything. I never actually meant to say anything, and now I did, and I thought I'd ruined our friendship, and I guess I haven't? And I'm not sure I understood you correctly, and I don't wanna, like, assume anything. But I hope that you said what I think you said and -" Beca broke off her rambling with a heavy sigh. She looked deep into Chloe's kind eyes. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"What do you think I'm saying?" Chloe contered, her smile broadening. It was contagious, a small smile spreading over Beca's face as well.

"Nuh-uh. I asked first," she said, shaking her finger, one eyebrow raised. Cocky as she may have acted, to say Beca was nervous would have been an understatement. She was about to find out for sure what her best friend was feeling for her, and it could change everything. Or nothing at all.

"What I'm saying is," Beca's breath caught in her throat as Chloe paused for a second, holding her gaze without wavering. "I like you, Beca."

It was as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders. As if she could properly breathe for the first time in years. As if her heart was about to burst. She was sure she looked like she had lost her mind, she was grinning so widely. The pain from her nightmare was almost forgotten.

"You like me," she said through her grin. It was half a question and half a revelation. She was sure her cheeks would start hurting if she didn't get control over her facial muscles soon. She sat up a bit straighter and turned to face Chloe more directly. "You like me." This time it wasn't a question anymore.

Chloe mirrored Beca's movements before reaching out with one hand, gently tucking a strand of hair behind Beca's ear and then cupping her cheek. The gesture and the look of pure love - that she finally let herself acknowledge - almost made Beca's heart burst.

"Can I kiss you?"

"But I'm all nasty and bloaty," she tried to turn her head away to hide her face, but Chloe's gently touch on her cheek stopped her from getting very far.

"I don't care," she smiled. "Do you know how long I've waited for this? Hoped that maybe you felt the same way?" Beca shook her head. "Way too long," she breathed, caressing Beca's cheek where her hand rested, a look of complete adoration on her face. It helped Beca feel less self-conscious about her current state. No one had ever looked at her like this. Upon reflection she could admit that Chloe often looked at her in a similar fashion, but she had never looked at her quite like this. If Chloe wasn't holding back anymore, if she wasn't hiding anymore, neither would she.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Chloe asked hopefully, already moving closer.

"Okay, you can kiss me." Beca's breath came faster, her chest rising and falling with the anticipation of what was about to happen. Then she leaned forward ever so slightly. As their faces moved closer to each other, Beca couldn't help but thank some higher entity for her nightmare (though she swore never to take a nap in the evening ever again). Because even though it had ripped her heart apart, it had also helped stitch it back together and make it grow two sizes.


End file.
